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Kings are parents

I've fallen, now that I almost reached the time where there is something to which all post adolescent must face when starting a relationship with a new little girl, a factor that will determine in a reasonably high the future of the above relationship, getting to leave us without having sex, see or even talk to our loved ones. This factor (if you have not deducted for yourself is not the rogue or three) are obviously her parents.

His parents left in the background any good quality that you have: do not care to donate money to the Red Cross, you are studying and working at once, or you've spent the Metal Slug without using any continues, they (especially , the father) always see you as the bastard who wants to fuck her daughter, rather than trying to avoid todísima coast: not only are willing to force her to have her door open when you're with it or turn the router to an auspicious hour to show you her tits: they are willing to sacrifice the love of their daughters so that their vaginas remain intact small (sometimes even sacrifice their daughters' vaginas as long as you're not the user). Here are some tips to follow as the time to meet her parents:

Do not talk to them as your friends. They are not. should be interested in their professions. Praise him, but with caution: there is a difference between a son who is not interested in the least by those closest to his girlfriend and a intended lameculos get away with it. Make up problems that only someone can solve their profession, wikipédiate. A little research will help barbarities.

• Try not to see you naked. There is no clear indication that you want to fuck your daughter, that being naked in his bed. Try not to take off all your clothes if their parents are at home and there is no latch on the door of the room (you can always braguetasexo). From what I've experienced, could stick kicked and even threatening you to call home a beating if you do not take certain precautions.

• That you look well dressed. Polos and shorts are helped. Comb your hair in any way decent. The piercings, tattoos and torn sneakers who won the heart of your girlfriend just win more than one arch of his parents, who will be happy to get a nickname like "the fool of the pins," the child vampire, "the fag" and many others if you give them the opportunity, in addition to believing that their little girls put in this terrible world of the thugs (although they have gone three times and you shit.)

· Become part of the family . The elderly and younger siblings are your best allies in this fight suegricida. For grandparents, just pay a little attention, they are not used to it and (unless you have good enough vision to see through the expansion) will catch you soon honey. With children more or less the same thing as likely to have a horrible relationship with his older brothers, have mercy on them when someone treats them badly.

· Let them believe you are straightforward and hardworking guy, however, it is worth. Parents have a strange fondness for her children together with children of his friends, and this is something you have to namely weather, if your girlfriend is not enough to pirarse fox with a future surgeon. Talk about what you have carefully worked, your plans for the future, what would you do with your life.

In short, be perfect yet simple. Try also believe that you are his father as he was at your age. And to my readers without a penis and boobs, do not have to follow any of these tips: how far the mother of your boyfriend think that you are a pilindinguis sidosas. To avoid this, just say "hello" before entering the room to fuck. Of course, if you have a man like me will be inevitable.

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Strange exercise

After a Bajona jampao me that led me to such extremes as teens to write anything, my lovely stroll through town late at night, praying and many other things that degrade the human being, my psychologist Dr. Abuse the advised me to write a list of three things I do not like about me (and three, yes, but that part of me jump: thought of something you appreciate the good-natured and imagináoslo Òscar here), which has not said whether it should write in a notepad or on the door of a basin of FNAC, so here I come:

· I'm vain. But sack. This blog is where I laugh at him funny that I myself is a clear example. So can have me the same wallpaper, and generally believe that I am a human being above average. This confidence gives me good things (in fact, have confidence in oneself is good, or something) but simultaneously makes me want to beat (only sometimes) when I make comments without thinking that would have been better in my anus. I tend to consider myself smarter, more charismatic and more fat than people who walk down the street, which makes from time to time (writing this post from hell) I disappoint myself.

· I'm emotionally repellent. And it includes several features: hang me too People fast I barely know (and who ended up being disappointed in a few weeks and leave me wondering what I did) when I'm with someone I become a robolengua scheduled to lick asses to be so cloying that people lose the expectations on me person, I am a promiscuous love you, I embark on meaningless relationships because I'm addicted to them. In short, I'm the closest thing to Ted Mosby that is on the face of the earth, and I hate it because it makes me vulnerable and totally different to the way I am.

• In general, I'm mediocre. I have no job, not emphasized in the studies, most of my friends are away or doing things better than being with me. Change my mind too easily, which shows a distinct lack of personality. I feel attached to anything in the place, the time in which I am. I sincerely believe that we need a Vietnam. I am prone to depression at times, but always try to keep the good vibes to everyone I know (except those with which I am cruel because it does). A long list.

I just wrote this in a vain attempt to exempt me how horrible I am a human being. However, I think I'm the best person I ever met. Kind regards.

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assertiveness Terrible inventions that should never exist and I hated my childhood

The natural selection theory which I am a fervent supporter, follower and a fan on Facebook, says inter alia that there is a species that have puñadísimo disappeared off the face of the earth due to its irrelevance to adapt to the environment . Similarly, many other have flourished, you hear an Amen for his future. The same applies to the stuff they have often tried to sneak as innovative, practical and modern (that of the XXI century silver was very fashionable in the 90), but even despite our amazing ability to be deceived by frustrated clerks in department stores, ceased to exist and were forgotten among the deepest of shame. These are just some of them:

· The Mini CD with 3 plates. Twelfth Night comes, is still 4 in the morning and your wiener and more masturbation can not stand to lose the time to open presents. Read books that you sent in school 3 years ago (still not bajoca ! , L'Inferno marta and other great titles), you turn in bed and finally reaches the desired time that you go the room, carry off with paper and cardboard for the Sega Saturn did not meet you asked so specifically, but a huge silver plastiquete cube that you can barely get into your room and you can not but hear the records you pay your father (grand strategy to look young parental listening Supertramp). While two of the three dishes will never be filled, plastic tray weaker world broke after a few months.

· The attempts to make the children eat cold cuts. paradigmatic examples already in your head, there are two: Popeye chopped (as this but Popeye), which always gave me a bit of disgust, taking into account that waste is made of meat, different types grouped Pig parts for us to eat the happy face of our favorite character?. About Lunchables, I guess they thought that the success of Lego could promote a snack that ended up being 3 or 4 cookies and a piece of cheese the price of 2 cupcakes Bony.

· The tipp-ex tape. While their counterparts in brush and pen decorated the tables, walls and nails of an entire generation (and unfortunately still do), buy correction tape was a mistake I made again and again. It seemed so modern, practical and clean! Seeing the clear blue plastic bug full gear behind the counter of stationery, we would never imagine having to spend 2 or 3 times for it to work, to cover as many words on a centimeter larger than and many more covering the piggy that had been written on top.

· Toys and many others. are all that are and are not all they are: Karate Fighters, where we moved wildly and without meaning or strategy, some form of a lever with a dragon's head for a given tipitos kicks causing terrible noises, skateboards NO IBAN SIDE AIR and let us indurainescos twins, the film of the Spice Girls, the Fistros (bocabits renamed) and the corresponding chiquitazos, PC Soccer, Camygol (one huge endless polo ball milling), Digimon Tamagotchi, the metal pogs, THE DAMNED CONSOLES who claimed 999999 GAMES BUT WAS ONLY THE TETRIS ...

nostalgia I entered writing this article, is that although many of us learned what was hate these shits, so many inventions extinct deserve to be preserved, especially considering things that win today. Coming a review of the things I miss the nineties. A hug, boys and burly men who finjáis be women on the Internet.

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The poor man's bottle

If almost a month ago talking about how bad eat, today I would like to emphasize something that, contrary to eat, by itself it is evil for our poor liver , why all of us, simpares and disparate beings, when we first started to get out mustache : get us bottles of alcohol as a male Dandy.

However, like most things in this life, there are ways and means: you can drink in moderation, or you can continue reading this entry, which summarize the best ways I know to turn blue with a fraction of the weekly pay that your grandmothers I give you to buy some horchata. Following (or not) a descending order of hardness of the stool that we find in our cups the morning after intake, are:

· beer. Nouns trying to sound like we cross the German head of the titles of Star Wars: Adlerbräu (consumption) or Steinburg (Mercadona) will delight the palates of those who do not know they are cheaper than mineral water. And do not try to take her a place where someone will see you drink, your dignity is also at stake: someone who spends less money on drink one night to give the m endigo del carmen who insults you if you do not Dastmen only deserves to be looked into his face through a telescopic sight. Note that if you live in Alginet and do not feel like drinking hot in the blank space punks will always be willing to sell or Argentines.

· Cubata low-cost. Affordable only if you have friends and you drink in a group, or if you do not have and you're so sad you're going out several days. The naming strategy of these potions infumables copy of the beers: Vodkas knebep or koranov , rum Admiral , gin Sheriton and so on, combined with the shaker selectísima consisting Cola bottle Mercadona of (or in the bowl, stirring with a finger) with the most exotic juices and soft drinks assure us a good pitch and typical competitions to see who makes the busiest mixed drinks ( making, try this ).

· Shots chung. As I write this, the editor tells me to buy a bottle of Captain and brush Tiquela drinks (closing his eyes like south park) is not considered shot. However, skipping all existing censorship, saying that if you are just a few hours of life are so Appreciation (with dreadlocks that you have it) not fear the consequences, you can purchase any chunga and cheap drink consumption or Mercadona and make rounds of games such as I never aided or drive.

· Steal cubatas. The most undignified, dangerous and above all cheap drink. Surround yourself with people who are drinking a sack or whose care is low and takes the best times to get the sail in and out as usual. In some places can also look for the local soil exchangeable for consumption entry, and exchange. If you are in a billet bottle (tarongers) and you are farsighted, arramblaréis whole with bottles before you go home. But doing this pareceréis some junkies to take care. Technical unreliable.

· Sangria. Ave Sangria, conceived without sin. The preferred way to get Oscar pike since 2005 (approx.). Cheap, so tasty that you get drunk without realizing it, and it now comes in bottles ergonomic, if you want to drink while playing sports. The hangover is minimal, is shared and readily available in many grocery and many more. But your gut may be sorry, and some people think that is unpalatable hot (which I think of the beer). Nectar for concert nights (Don simosh) or simple kebab in ministry. With two liters should be sufficient for a young man of 75 kilos would be more than happy (unless 3 euros, if you buy the landowner and not tell you.)

could not close this entry without mentioning something you probably already tried all you will have in your party buffet daily, and was invented by mixing the alcohol Viñarock pm and juice for breakfast: the COCKTAIL MARIPOSCAR , consisting of 1 part vodka (preferably knebep), 2 berry juice and a half of red bull (energy drink is accepted letters blue matrix). Licking the palate.

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Oscar sweeper

release gigs section with perhaps the most disgusting that I had one of these occupations monopolized by older South American African youth and junkies looking for something to picking: small-time street sweeping. In July last year, the Empire Corvan first recruited me while Arthur and I did a tour of all ETTs of Valencia (anecdote: that day was born mariposcar effect as a concept).

An aunt to hottie and that we can qualify but cuks pornochacha is an old saying that said we needed people to work on the Formula 1 circuit, and without thinking twice gave us a post for next day because they needed people. Arthur could not because I did not go on the website of the Social Security (be as ETA has its consequences), but I had to go to a workshop at the port where I would say I had to do, which initially would cleaning assistant. I rode the film would be in a workshop of the formula 1 by the blanket, but the end is that when I got the above place was a warehouse full of street sweeper brooms and carts.

And so began one of the worst days of my life: I was sweeping about cleaning for 10 hours straight for 2 days. A street about 800 meters was covered by me a thousand times, because well we were not allowed to sit. Ah, I forgot to mention my co-workers: a junkie Roma did not speak only, which was missing more than 60 teeth and a Colombian fifties who kept singing and talking about herself in third person. With such stars all traveled a park adjoining the sweeping tour of the balls up and down with my ears Iker Jiménez.

During the break the first day I went to a bar on the corner of Calle Francisco Baldomà where I served a delicious mayonnaise sandwich revolt that left me crushed guts until recently, where a bunch of 4 and you drunk sobaban threw things at the bar owner's daughter at about 12 am, impoverishment.

When two days had ended finish no longer understand the concept of job insecurity, but also of social instability. Of course, I gained as a bastard.

ps: I lost the photos of that time, but I put it perfectly captures